Girls

Absolutely and without question.

I have two female friends whom I find attractive, and in both cases our friendship has always been, and will forever be, platonic. One of whom, Sarah, I love and respect very, very deeply.

Because this caused angst with my ex-whatsherface, I had virtually nothing to do with either of them for quite some time. I never brought them up, never snuck in the occasional text, or did anything inappropriate. My other friend, not Sarah, actually directly stated that she was wildly interested in me romantically, so we parted ways because it would have been extremely inappropriate to continue on.

She, and I, respected the union I had with whatsherface. Besides that, it obviously wouldn't work out between us.

Now that whatsherface is gone, in no small part because she was jealous that I had two female friends (whom I didn't speak to for months), I can be friends with them again. Turns out that when I helped Sarah in particular (monitarily, a single mom needs all the help she can get), whatsherface became voraciously jealous and wouldn't tell me. At least, not until she left.

I started spending a few minutes here and there with the one who isn't Sarah, and she declared that the feelings were still there, so we stopped.

I just saw Sarah today. She is 8 months pregnant and now single. I was amazed at how much I missed her whilst in her presence.

I love Sarah very much, and have done all I can for her. But, if I were to have a girlfriend or a wife who was uncomfortable with how Sarah and I are together (she is very pretty, quirky, funny and fun and we get along exceedingly well together), then I would respect her wishes.

Again.

But, yes, men can be friends with a woman they are attracted to.

However, there is a word that you might want to consider contemplating rather than “attractive”.

The word is “Sexy”.

Now, sexy?

Can I be friends with I woman I find sexy?

Oh lord, no. Not even close. Get-me-out-of-the-room level of “no”. Get away from me and don't even speak to me. Quit my job if we work together, and start looking for another one.

“Sexy” is different than attractive.

“Sexy” is a woman I want to have intimate relations with. Immediately.

“Sexy” ruins marriages when it's not your wife.

“Sexy” steals nuclear secrets.

“Sexy” gets no jail time for what I went to prison 15 years for.

“Sexy” is carnal, visceral, animal, uncontrollable.

“Sexy” means, by definition, a woman I want to have sex with and will charge a machine gun nest with a bayonet just for the chance to be noticed.

“Sexy” is who I want to have children with, now.

Very, very fortunately for me, “sexy” is pretty much only really achieved through romantic love. I can find women attractive all day long and actually find none of them sexy at all. In the exceedingly few cases where I have found otherwise, it has always been because I was incredibly unsatisfied with my girlfriend or wife. (The aftershocks of these women always made their way in to my relationships and destroyed them. “The grass being greener on the other side of the fence”, and all. I was an idiot. But I learned.) Happy at home, and other women totally lose their appeal.

(Whatsherface didn't believe it either, obviously, but it's true.)

I was raised amongst the most beautiful women in the world by a Miss America contestant as a mother. I know beautiful. “Beautiful” and “sexy” rarely meet. “Attractive” and “sexy” don't even have to be in the same person to be true.

“Sexy” comes out from my heart, based on how I feel about a woman, and depends on her personality. Someone trying to look sexy actually looks stupid if I don't love her. We've all seen it in a movie or show where a woman pretends to seem sexy but instead looks ridiculous. Remember when Phoebe and Joey each tried to seduce each other on “Friends”? Yeah, that's what it seems like to me when I don't love her.

So, when one's Queen is attractive (gorgeous) and has a personality to be seductive (after all, she's the Queen) then “sexy” comes into play.

If I were with my beloved and I found another woman “sexy”, I would immediately leave the building and start seriously questioning myself and my relationship. As of right now, and this has been the case for me for many years, when I love a woman truly then my concept of beauty and sensuality gravitate towards that which she is. Eventually she becomes ideal to me. So much so that I could point out where Charlotte McKinney and Kate Upton fail in comparison to my beloved. (It just happened, so I know it's true.) Unfortunately, to whatsherface it seems to be a rather unbelievable quality for a man to have. So, if I am in love with a woman who is 5 feet 5 inches tall, is heavier and has a large bust, has red hair and blue eyes and very fair skin, then I start to find attractive other women who look more like her.

If she leaves, and I fall in love with a woman who is 5 foot 3 inches tall, has black hair and light brown eyes, dark tan skin, is lighter and more muscular, has large and sensuous lips……..oh, lord, don't get me started on her lips…..well, you get the idea. Then I find attractive that which reminds me of her.

But that's my threshold. Most men I've ever met aren't like that. Most conflate “attractive” and her level of attractiveness with “sexy”. Understandable, and often unfortunate.

So, in sum,

“Attractive”? Yes, easily not a problem.

“Sexy”? Get him out of there and never let him go back.